True Colours

I just want to go to bed…

But my mother needs me, injured and alone at the hospital.

I really want to cry…

But if I start I don’t know if I’d be able to stop.

Finally home in the middle of the night…

Sleep is illusive as frustration and anger

Fuel my brain into swirling activity.

Morning arrives too soon and I wish I could curl up and stay here…

But my mother needs me, still in the hallway of the hospital.

I want to fold into myself…

But I straighten my shoulders and get in my car.

 I will not listen…

To the voices of fear, selfishness, and self-pity.

I will listen…

To the whisper of God.

To my breath - the deep intake of air and life.

To the steady beat of my heart – full of love.

As I drive I see the beautiful colours of the fall leaves…

Their colours lie dormant within them until the leaf is in crisis,

And then their true colours show.

I too am like a leaf…

My resilience, courage, and beauty lying dormant within me

Until I am in crisis,

And then my true colours show.

I hope they are beautiful.

*These thoughts came to me the day after my mother had been taken by ambulance to the hospital late in the evening before. I was inspired by the incredible beauty of the fall colours and wrote this for all the beautiful people who are in the midst of or have suffered difficult circumstances, diagnosis, or losses.

**this is a picture of a fall centrepiece I made for my dining room table with flowers that my hubby bought for me ‘just because’ (he knew I needed them!) and the last begonias from my planters.